I’m not trying to be anybody’s guru. I’m just a man on a journey and this is my experience.
My intention with this article is to address what happens on my journey, reflect on it and ultimately grow from it. I’m pretty disciplined most of the time. I would say 80-90% of the time. But 10-20% of the time, my old habits seem to challenge me. This week has been tough.
I got my ass kicked by myself.
I stayed in bed for 2 days straight without moving while eating junk food, indulging mindlessly, etc.
Here are the circumstances that led up to my tremendous fuck up:
First of all, I live in a very comfortable environment. I don’t have many responsibilities. I’m not starving at night. There is no war in my city. I’m “free” compared to a large part of the world.
Secondly, I grew up without a father for the most part. Not having a positive male role-model in my life has been a source of pain/weakness. I didn’t develop discipline and self-control from an early age like men with good fathers do.
Thirdly, there are other factors that come into play such as: undealt with emotional issues, over-exposure to “junk” in the form of food, information, people, etc.
Why these circumstances impact me negatively:
Living in a comfortable environment without imposed responsibility is great, however, it can be a curse. The reason it can be a curse is because without discipline, people without a well-ordered mind won’t use their time responsibly. It’s too easy to choose “instant-gratification/comfort” when nobody is depending on you nor holding you accountable. I must constantly remind myself what my vision is and why I’m doing it. Otherwise, the distractions are endless and losing focus is easy.
Secondly, due to my lack of discipline and lack of self-control (partly from not having established good habits earlier in childhood), I tend to get swayed by my emotions. If I start feeling uncomfortable, I don’t have great coping skills and I tend to opt out for escapism and instant-gratification. These take the form of: mindless self-indulgence of junk-food, web-surfing, porn, compulsive behavior, etc.
These coping strategies are effective in the short-term but devastating in the long-term. They provide pleasure/dopamine due to their stimulating nature. Yet, they provide no growth, fulfillment or evolution. They are essentially “low vibration” activities. Meaning, they don’t leave you feeling better or on a higher plane mentally, spiritually, emotionally, or physically (not to mention financially).
“Discipline equals freedom” – Jocko Willink
I just need to toughen up. I need to reflect, find out what went wrong and then do better next time. Then I need to be disciplined enough to actually do better next time. I also have a person who holds me accountable for my actions. So, I will do the punishment that is required of me:
For spending those two days in bed, I’ve agreed to do: 3,400 push-ups, 700 squats and to write a 116 sentence essay as to what happened and how I’ll do better.
It feels good to know that I’ll pay a price for fucking up. It feels good to know I have someone holding me accountable. I fucked up and now I’m going to pay for it and that’s that. If I don’t want to pay for it, I’ll do better next time.
This article isn’t a pity-party. This article isn’t meant to label myself as a victim. My intention is to destroy weakness and replace it with strength. And to hopefully inspire you to take personal responsibility as-well.
I’ve never had to do so many pushups and squats as part of punishment before. It’s all good. I fucked up. Now I pay for it. There’s no free-lunch.
I wish I was a fucking monk sometimes
I wish I didn’t live in such a distracting society. Being a Buddhist monk or being in the military would have given be an amazing base for discipline. But living with a bunch of guys in some temple and praying all day doesn’t sound like the best idea. Nor does dying for a cause I probably don’t believe in either. So, I’ve created my own military/monk structure. Being held accountable is part of it.
It’s time we toughen up and learn to be disciplined. This is my military-monk lifestyle. I’ve built it. Now I live in it. If I don’t the result is: mediocrity, failure, and weakness. If I do the reward is: Excellence, self-esteem, and success in all areas of life along with mastery.
Fuck weakness, get back up and keep fighting till you win,