You cannot properly seduce women if you harbor illusions about their nature. A Machiavellian Man, owing to his willingness to engage in personally, and oftentimes mutually, advantageous deceits, is a skilled hand in the subtle feints of flirting. No seduction will take full flight without recourse to innuendo and barely concealed intent. – Heartiste
There’s a lot of confusion in regards to being a healthy authentic man and a calculating, strategic and seductive man. Society seems to reward both. And while being healthy-minded, authentic and present are very fundamental to being a man, there is also another dimension worth including…this dimension involves men being deliberate, strategic and cunning in their approach. The man who can embody both of these truths will be rewarded with success.
In a recent interview with David Tien (dating coach), he mentioned a fundamental truth about being a healthy individual. (Unfortunately, the video got cut off so that part of the content is lost.) He basically said that, there is a fundamental flaw in the pickup industry. David said that there is this tendency in the PUA industry, to be constantly aware of your value, your social status, and other strategically social aspects of your sexual value.
David said that in order to be a healthy man, one of the most fundamental things to keep in mind, is to simply be present and vulnerable.
The concepts of vulnerability and presence are important components to a healthy psychological state. I agree with David on this. In my own life, I had been experienced being a bit try hard and “too in my head”. Instead of simply being present in an interaction, I would be thinking about the underlying dynamics of it. This was due to insecurity.
The problem occurs when you start seeing everything robotically/strategically instead of being present and in the moment. It’s basically the difference between being an insecure, over-analytical robot and a fearlessly present, authentic and vulnerable man who isn’t afraid of losing his social standing, etc.
Yet, I want to add in something. Which is that there is a balance. Just like you see in the yin and yang symbol. There is a little dark in the light and vice-versa. I have found that especially if your personality had been formed and conditioned incorrectly (due to feminized mainstream conditioning, broken homes, abuse, school systems, weak families, etc) , the “real you” might very well be an insecure, unhealthy, socially unintelligent individual with many psychological problems.
However, the more you work on yourself, meditate etc. the more you start to see yourself differently as you heal the wounds of the past and create a new foundation for yourself and your personality. Eventually, you get to the point where you start to feel more and more secure about yourself.
But….Just because you are working on yourself and becoming more and more secure, you still might be missing out on various opportunities for social and seductive success. Just because you have worked on yourself, went to therapy, started meditating, and are now able to be present and vulnerable to some extent, you might still struggle with dating and even getting respect from your fellow men.
You might also still be struggling with being an assertive man and someone who is able to maneuver himself socially in order to advance with women, career, your role in the world, etc…
So what I’m advocating is that you embrace a balance. I call this the balance between Presence/vulnerability and strategic social dynamics.
In other words, you might be a “healthy man” who takes self-improvement seriously, is secure, present and vulnerable. Yet you still realize that you MUST be AWARE of these strategic social dynamics going on in any given social situation.
Further, in any given social situation there are many things at play: subtle interplays of power, dominance, manipulation, seduction, biology, nuance, etc… You must be aware of these interplays. When the moment is right, you must be able to use these dynamics to your advantage.
The problem occurs in being constantly hyper-aware of these dynamics. Hyper-awareness of these dynamics leads one to be excessively calculating in their approach to human social interactions. This is counter-productive if your goal is to be an authentic and present man.
For example: Let’s say you are communicating with a woman (whom you’re attracted to) authentically meaning you are present and vulnerable. (secure in who you are). On some level, you also know that in that particular situation, the correct type of body language, game, and style might go a long way.
Basically, what happened there is that you stayed present and authentic yet you were aware of the underlying social dynamics (i.e girls like men who have good posture, dress nice, etc.)
You might amp up your social awareness/strategy depending on the situation. If you’re having a beer with your friend, then you’ll move more towards vulnerability and presence then when you’re with a girl you just met at the club. Sometimes, you’ll need a bit more strategic thinking than in other times. It’s a dance…an art if you will.
In summary, you must learn how to be sensitive to the nuances of social dynamics and strategy yet know how to be authentic and present. That way, you’re not this calculating machiavellian robot yet you aren’t aloof to underlying social dynamics. You are an authentic and socially intelligent man and when the situation calls for it you can take a moment to think strategically. It is a balance, a middle ground of sorts that you must embrace.
Be present, be vulnerable, be “you”, yet be aware and use the tools that you’ve learned.