What Is The Definition of Neediness?
Neediness is the act of needing a lot of attention, affection, or emotional support. Men and women both at times exhibit neediness. We all need attention, affection, and emotional support, but the problem occurs when we seek out those things from other people in an unhealthy manner.
Since this blog is dedicated to men, my intention is to share the most cutting edge mindsets I’ve come across on overcoming neediness and replacing it with more empowering mindsets that will aid you in your approach to a more fulfilling romantic life.
6 Ways To Overcome Neediness
#1 Don’t Get “Oneitis”
In Rollo Tomassi’s book, the Rational Male, the first chapter is called “There Is No One”. And the first paragraph says:
“ONEitis: An unhealthy romantic obsession with a single person. Usually accompanied by unreciprocated affection and completely unrealistic idealization of the said person. ONEitis is paralysis. You cease to mature, you cease to move, you cease to be you. There is no ONE. This is the soul-mate myth. There are some good Ones and some bad Ones, but there is no ONE.”
You only have ONE biological mother, ONE biological father, and ONE heart, and ONE brain, but there is no ONE woman out there for you. There will always be more. Realizing this will free your tunnel vision mentality up. There’s always more fish in the sea.
#2 Realize That Neediness Is A Beta Trait
Women tend to be more turned on by alpha males then betas. Do you think that true alpha males get needy? Alphas know they can easily replace the women they’re with.
If you’re seeking out emotional attention in a needy manner, you’re going to turn her off. If a woman had a choice between two men, and one of the men was needy and obsessed with her and the other liked her a lot, but had other options—who do you think she would choose?
#4 Stop Checking Your Phone So Much
I personally do my best to only check my phone 10 times a day maximum. More specifically, I check for any texts or messages 10x a day maximum. I have found that disciplining myself to be this way has made me a lot more focused and productive.
There were many times when I was trying to get work done, yet I kept compulsively checking my phone to see if some girl responded to my text. When in that state, I felt like a slave to my phone and to her attention. When in that state, I felt my sense of self-esteem plummet.
No woman would want a man who is compulsively checking his phone all day. This indicates that his own life isn’t compelling enough for him to be fully engaged in it. Why would she want to be a part of your life if that were the case?
Gradually, the less you check your phone, the more you’ll start to shift your focus on bettering your life. Be a superior man, not a compulsive slave.
#5 Realize That Acting Needy Will Subconsciously Destroy Your Self-Image
As a man, your focus needs to be on becoming better and better everyday. You need to be focused on becoming stronger physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. When you’re in the gym hitting squats, doesn’t it feel good to look at yourself in the mirror making gains? Don’t you feel good about who you are at that moment?
How would you feel if you looked in the mirror after spending the whole day obsessing about some girl’s lack of response to one of your texts? How would it feel like to look in the mirror after spending the whole night being butt-hurt because a woman didn’t reciprocate your affection at the bar? I have a feeling that you wouldn’t like what you see.
The more you act needy, the crappier your own self-image will be. Act like the kind of man that you WANT to be and overtime you WILL become him.
#6 Have “Fuck You Pussy”
In Chateau Heartiste’s blog, there is a popular article called “The 16 Commandments Of Poon”. Commandment #7 is called “Always Keep Two In The Kitty”. This is what it says:
“Never allow yourself to be a “kept man”. A man with options is a man without need. It builds confidence and encourages boldness with women if there is another woman, a safety net, to catch you in case you slip and risk a breakup, divorce, or a lost prospect, leading to loneliness and a grinding dry spell. A woman knows once she has slept with a man she has abdicated a measure of her power; when she has fallen in love with him she has surrendered nearly all of it. But love is ephemeral and with time she may rediscover her power and threaten to leave you. It is her final trump card. Withdrawing all her love and all her body in an instant will rend your soul if you are faced with contemplating the empty abyss alone. Knowing there is another you can turn to for affection will fortify your will and satisfy your manhood.”
Having options does create confidence. Ever heard of having “fuck you money?” It’s when you have so much money that you can say “fuck you” to whomever you want without getting worried about losing a customer, getting fired, etc. Increase your value to the point where you have “fuck you pussy”. Women will appreciate you more if they know that you can replace them. They won’t admit this, but boy is it true.
You just carry yourself differently when you know you’ve got more women. Only having one will make you predisposed to getting needy, jealous, or overly invested in interactions with women whom you just met.
RSD Tyler says, “that the first think you should do when you meet a woman that you absolutely love is to go get another. Fantasy is when you meet a girl who you really like, you let her know, you hit it off, and life goes on happily ever after. The reality is that if a girl likes you, it’s probably because when you met each other, you were out meeting other girls, you were socially gregarious, you were free from outcome, and then you met her and made a fucking awesome impression on her because you were in abundance. She didn’t like you because of some esoteric part of your soul, she liked you because you were fucking cool. So when you go back into scarcity, you’re not cool anymore.”
Check out this testimonial from one of my clients:
I was having some issues in my life and marriage and decided to look online for solutions. I came across Maximillian of Spartan Ownership and knew right away that it was exactly what I was seeking.We had worked out a self-development plan focused on helping me take more ownership over my life. Max stayed along side me daily as an accountability-coach, checking in with me about my progress in reading, behavior and fitness.He helped me climb out of a rough patch in my life and has set me up with some skills and habits to continue my development. A great experience overall and I will happily recommend Max to any man who needs some extra guidance in bettering their life. – Justin