This article is meant to help you if you are struggling with a tough relationship be it a friend, coworker or family member.
Some people are worth keeping around while others deserve to be cut out from your life.
Most people won’t change so don’t waste your time. The only people that are worth trying to change are people that are receptive to your guidance. Most people won’t be receptive to your guidance especially people like your bosses, parents, etc.
Questions to ask in order to determine the value of someone in your life:
What value is this person contributing to my life?
Is this person providing more value to my life than he/she is taking away?
Is this person contributing to pain and/or stress in my life?
Is this person holding me back from being positive, loving and aligned with purpose?
Is this person’s presence contributing to weakness in my life?
What do I love about this person? What don’t I like about this person? Does the positive outweigh the negative or vice-versa?
How do I typically feel after being in the presence of this person?
Do I come out happier and more inspired after seeing this person or do I come out feeling negative and depleted?
Dealing with managers and bosses
The first thing you need to realize about managers and bosses is that they are often poor leaders. They are most likely not very skilled at leadership and/or communication. Lower your standards. Great leaders are rare.
There’s no point of complaining because getting angry and reactive isn’t going to help. Anger is best used with precision to get the outcome that you want which is rare when it comes to dealing with superiors.
Instead ask better and more resourceful questions:
How can I use my boss or manager as a PET (Personal Emotional Trainer)?
I’m actually very grateful for challenges with managers and bosses because dealing with them is an opportunity to become tougher, better at communication and more cool under pressure. Dealing with tough people will make you better at managing your emotional state.
Imagine if everyone was always lackadaisical and super easy-going. It would make you soft and incapable of dealing with pressure.
A warrior doesn’t see good or bad, only challenges.
What is this person’s reality? Why would this person be acting like this?
Have compassion and do your best to understand and appreciate their world.
Some people just need to be cut off:
A good mental model of a relationship is when two or more people come together in a way that contributes to each other’s purpose.
Ask yourself if a given person is adding value to your purpose or taking away from it?
Cutting them off isn’t just for your best interest but for theirs as well.
Because when you’re with them, all you’re doing is putting yourself in a negative state that isn’t helping your purpose at all. On top of that, deep down you are probably resenting the other person and not contributing much to their lives either.
It’s just one big reactive negative frequency for both of you.
Some relationships have just run their course and that’s it.
For their own sake and yours, cut the chord.