My main outcome is to share some ideas and systems with you that will help you choose better people in life. I will also share ways to organize these people so that you maintain strong and positive bonds with them.
Main Social Categories
This category includes your girlfriend(s), wife, multiple relationships, girls you’re casually dating, friends with benefits, etc.
This can be a mix of family, romantic partners, etc depending on how deep the bond is. However, when I say tribe I mean your main crew. This is your brothers. It’s primarily going to be comprised of people you trust with your life (mostly men). Family and close romantic relationships could be considered part of your tribe but it’s a different role than the main “crew”.
This is pretty straightforward. Family is people with whom you share the bond of blood with. However, if you almost never see them then I wouldn’t consider them family. Family is more for people you actually see and connect with semi-regularly if not more than that. Your great aunt you see once every 10 years doesn’t really count.
This is for coworkers, business partners, employees, customers, and other people that have to do with your professional life.
This is for people who serve as guides and teachers in your life. This could be in person or it could be books, videos, and more. Once again, a mentor could be in your tribe or family. This isn’t a black and white system.
Friends are people that you know and get along with to the point of engaging in social rituals such as going to the bar, hanging with, etc. They’re not necessarily considered brothers because you may not have a very strong bond with them. A lot of brothers start out as friends.
Acquaintances are people whom you know slightly but they’re not necessarily close friends. They are connections, allies, and associates. Somebody that you rely once in a while for some form of value and vice-versa. These people can come in handy and often result in all types of opportunities.
There is definitely going to be some overlap between these categories. There are also sub-categories within the categories. In addition, there are also categories I didn’t find worth mentioning such as enemies, fans, etc. They count but you’re not going to be organizing yourself too much around them unless you have to deal with them on a regular basis. No need for any strict protocols for that.
Stir up waters to catch fish
Make sure to choose the people in your social networks wisely. By the way, when I say social networks I’m not talking about social media. I mean your actual in person social network.
So in order to vet people in your social networks a great tactic to use is to poke at people a little bit and experiment to see how they react. It’s similar to sparring in the martial arts. You throw a fake punch to notice their reaction patterns. This will give you intel on their personality which is important to know as quick as you can.
Ways to do this include to get a little angry at them for something, bust their balls a little bit (poke fun or make a joke about them), say something controversial politically or otherwise, etc.
The point is that you want to touch on a nerve and see what happens next. This is especially effective in the closer relationships where deep trust and connection is highly important. Think of romantic relationships and close friends. You don’t want to find out about their dark side after you’ve already let them into your domain.
Tai Lopez talks about having people take the Dark Triad Personality test which tests for traits like narcissism, machiavellianism, and psychopathy. The test is structured in a way that is subtle and doesn’t seem overly-revealing. Anybody who tests high in anyone or more of those traits deserves extra careful scrutiny or relationship termination.
Focus on the few, not the many
At the end of the day, focus on the few, not the many. Be selective about the people you choose in your life for every one of those categories. The outcome should be to have a strong and positive social network that fulfills all of your needs.
Create a strong network based on values that you truly believe in
Values will change depending on the social situation. For example, if you value honor and integrity among your brothers, you may lower your standards when it comes to a girl you’re seeing casually. If you value timeliness and contentiousness for a business associate, you may lower your standards for a friend you hang out with at the bar.
Relationships and social intelligence is highly important. Do everything you can to understand the nuances of human behavior. Become an expert in human nature as much as you can. Dale Carnegie said that relationship skills are some of the most important skills you can develop.